Widgets are all the rage these days. These crazy little doohickeys make your internet or computer work better, or in clever little ways that make us all amused, at the very least. The truth is, though, if they were really all that necessary they would be part of the OS, built in.

Another crazy little doohickey is Ron Paul. He too appears to be clever and amusing, tightly tied to the internet, and his overall value is still highly dubious. For that reason it is unlikely that the latest version of Ron Paul will be part of the Republican Operating system.

So to honor this achievement, direct from “Republican Manufacturing” we are offering the RON PAUL WIDGET.

This widget, upon installation, will immediately make part of your RAM act up and go a little crazy. Diagnostic reports will show that this is affecting about 3-4% of your RAM, but the Ron Paul Widget will insist it is higher with the error message “Ron Paul Widget now exciting 35% or your RAM!” or “Ron Paul Widget WINS Among Transistors and Diodes in the Power Supply Straw Poll!” No matter how many tools you employ that clarify the effect of the widget on your computer, the widget will continue to try to mislead you.

Fun!

Occasionally, when you click on the Ron Paul widget, you will get a clever little quote of the day. “You Media Whore!” and “Transvestite Warmonger!” are among the top five of users today. But experiment with it… you will find the endless list of Tourette Syndrome-like rants incredibly fulfilling. I personally love “We ARE Republicans, you BASTARD!”

When connected to the internet, the Ron Paul widget works with your browser to make money for Ron Paul. There is a little bug in the code, however. The widget mistakes “money raised” for “votes” in a linear manner. This can be a little misleading, but will be made much more clear on February 5th.

If the widget is not used enough, a message will conveniently remind you “Hey- how come you are not paying attention to me? Don’t you realize I have raised tons of money and have excited well over 3 to 4.. um, I mean, THIRTY FOUR percent of your ram!!!???” (The best way to override this is either command-esc on a Mac, or Control-Alt-Delete on a PC.)

Finally, there is the neat little gaming aspect of the widget. For those of you who really are pathetic at winning anything, this little bugger will be a big help with games like Quake and “Bring the Troops Home”. It is called the “You CAN win!!!” cheat. All you have to do, no matter how far you are behind, is push the “Denial” button while at the same time pushing the “Option” key on your keyboard, and your score will transform into any number you WANT! Sometimes it helps to keep hitting the denial button like a monkey until you get some kind of response.

Again, be sure to order your widget before Feb. 5th. They will likely become really scarce after that date, unless another manufacturer (like Independent) decides to continue offering them. Republican Manufacturing intends to discontinue them on that date, as most of them have turned out to be incompatible with the Republican OS.

And as a special offer to the first 3-4% of those who order… you will receive the book “Understand the Constitution like only I can!” written by Ron Paul himself. This three page monster (one page is credits, and the second is a forward written by and endorsed by the League of Cut and Runner’s) is chock full of information that can get this Country on the right track. Or at least, get our head back into the sand far enough to help us ignore the rest of the world to the point where we think we are on the right track.

Tech note- do not try to remove the Ron Paul widget from your desktop while leaving your other widgets in place. Reports are that your system will start showing error messages crying about stifling free widget speech, and then a 30 minute commercial about the widget will start showing on your screen with a little whiny gray haired elf.

The widget CAN be removed if you remove the Duncan Hunter widget first. You may or may not have forgotten you installed that widget, as it excites only about- well, none of your RAM.

Order today! Don’t delay!