A humorous guide to identifying liberals amongst us…

As you grow up, you will notice that over the years, Democrats (led by the most liberal among them) are always trying to find ways to “count every vote” (even illegal ones). You should also notice they are always trying to find new ways to “create” new voters. Sometimes, they do so by creating entitlement bodies, such as welfare, or social security.  While well intentioned, and often very useful to some people, these programs also wind up being used as political tools. ANOTHER way of creating a body of voters is to change legislation regarding the regulation of WHO votes. Clearly, the Democrats are the biggest beneficiaries of the 19th Amendment which allowed women to vote. Additionally, they are also aided greatly by the 15th Amendment which allowed blacks to vote.

I wouldn’t even begin to argue that those people should not vote. This is merely an example of how in one fell swoop voting blocks and party futures can be changed.

This is relevant because Democrats have proposed- (some of their more liberal nuts have, anyway) – that certain other groups should be allowed to vote. Of course I disagree that those blocks should be allowed to vote, but- I had an interesting thought cross my mind, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If we can identify some of the folks that Democrats would love to see in the voting pool to bolster their support, perhaps we too can identify some of the people in our midst that should NOT be able to vote that ARE almost surely liberal Democrats, based on their actions?

Hmmmm…

So, let’s start with those that the liberals would like to see included in our electorate.

A Liberal’s 3 Wishes

Felons. Every State has different laws. Some allow felons IN prison to vote absentee. Some allow for voting only after serving their sentence and then waiting a period after prison. Some States bar them for life. One thing is clear; felons represent mostly minorities and low income folks. Translation? Liberals.

Illegals. Of course. Why not. 12 million tit sucking “liberals”  overnight. Perfect. I put “liberals” in quotes because, while most are Catholic (and therefore more conservative socially), they seem to forget about abortion and secular decay when it comes to choosing between fighting for those issues, and having a nice fat greenback laden tit to suck on from Uncle Sam.

Some democrats want to lower the voting age to 16. This frightens everyone who has ever had a child, or worked with children. “Who do you want for President, Susie?” “Ummm- guy-uhhhhh… I don’t know… but Tommy sure is cute. Have you seen his BUTT!!!???” I really don’t want anyone voting for President who is also capable of being brought to tears because of a huge pimple on the face, or who’s biggest concern is summer vacation and Tommy’s butt.

So, are there others? Other groups that identify with a liberal voting block?

Identifying the Closeted Liberals Amongst Us

It’s kind of like finding aliens posing as humans. All you have to do is look for peculiar behavior, and voliå!!! You might have found a liberal!

Some possible candidates I have observed:

• The person with 27 items in the 12 item line- They probably voted 7 times, even though they were CLEARLY asked by Howard Dean to only vote twice, three times, tops. Clearly liberals. Why?

1. They can’t count. Probably a lot of these people in Florida and Ohio.
2. They can’t read.
3. They can’t follow directions. (Remember “Chads”?)
4. They just don’t give a damn. Think “child inside”.

• Blue haired blinker on forever drivers who shouldn’t be allowed on the road. Can’t make a decision; can’t remember what you’re doing; can’t remember your way home; can’t notice the speed limit is 45, not 25… Asked why they are voting for who they are voting for, they say “My granpappy was a Democrat, my pappy was a Democrat, and I’ve been a Democrat allll my life. (Yes, these people actually exist.)

Note to you people: (First go get them readin’ glasses…) Please, don’t vote, and head home before you back through a convenience store when you accidentally put it in drive instead of reverse in the parking lot.

• People under the age of 21, unless you are in the military. Yes, those who could not pass their history classes, don’t know who’s in office now let alone why anyone running should be in the office, either. Not long out of diapers, most of these idiots can’t be trusted to figure out what they should be DOING day to day, let alone who should be running the country. I figure, if you can’t be trusted with alcohol, you can’t be trusted to vote on who should run the most powerful country in the world.

• Coin counters in the checkout line. Yes. Those people. You know, the 80-year-olds who insist “I just KNOW I have 87 cents in here! Hang on!” Here’s a tip for most of you. You don’t have that kind of time left on the earth. Use the big bills and go live some more life while you can. Just don’t vote anymore.

• You people that can’t seem to merge ONTO the highway.

Here’s how it works:

1. Get your damn car up to the speed of those on the freeway…
2. Then, slow down or speed up a little to fit INTO the space betweeeeeen the cars already ON the freeway.

How NOT to do it:

1. Drive aimlessly down the merge ramp, forgetting to even worry about the merge coming up, until the last minute.
2. Then, panic, slow down to a speed that makes merging now impossible until there is a 1/4 gap between cars.
3. Then, panic again and slowly drive down the road halfway on the shoulder and still screw everyone up on the road.

Surely liberals. Why? Not up to speed… can’t work with others… and can’t plan ahead. Then, on top of that, they are likely in their car blaming the other drivers for “not letting them in.” Yup. Liberal. Please don’t vote again.

• People who take forever in the drive through. OK. Here’s the deal folks. Its the SAME menu it has been for years, excepting an item here or there. If you are IN a drive through, chances are you have seen this menu/food before; an even better chance you eat there a few times a month, if not a few times a week. Yet, you still seem perplexed as if you are in some kind of Greek deli serving odd goat parts and other creepy things you don’t recognize, in a foreign language. THAT’S why the PICTURES are there, so even if you can’t read, you could point and see the number and just blurt out “Number 1 please…” If you are having this kind of trouble in a drive through, you should not only not vote, but please just don’t use the drive through. Go into Mickey D’s and ask for a menu, some soft music and a quiet secluded booth for you to plan your attack. Then, if you like, get back up, go back outside, and get in your car, allllll prepared, and come with us big boys in the drive through and blurt out your order!

But please, just stop voting.

• People who say “number” after saying “VIN” or “PIN”. The “N” stands for “number”, people. Saying “PIN number” is like saying… well, you get it- it… I hope- hope. No, really- really. And that goes for “ATM machine” too. If your mental acuity is such that you cannot recognize such redundancy and subsequently correct it, there is a good chance you are a liberal, and should not be voting.

• You believe that “Buy one get one free” means you got something for free. True intellectuals know that what reeeeeally happened is: you got two for half price. Tricky, I know… but if you fall for this one you probably fall for “Republicans are racists” and “another church will burn” or other liberal campaign statements and promises. It’s like the Pied Piper leading all those rats to water… creepy scary, like watching Reverend Jim Jones serve all that Kool Aid to smiling people.

That’s the short list. Watch out for those aliens… I mean, liberals, and turn them in or urge them NOT to vote, next time…

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